A Ceremony of Lights Awakening

A Ceremony of Lights Awakening

Gratitude is what I would first like to express to all the indigenous tribes that have been eradicated in a world that forgot long ago how to live in balance with nature. Thank you for all that you have taught us about ourselves and human origins, thank you to those of you still pushing on as capitalist greed works feverishly to destroy the lungs of the earth. Thank you for showing me the part I play in the mess making, so that I may mindfully be of better assistance to my brothers, sisters, and the planet. Thank you Mother Earth for the air I am breathing as I write these words, and thank you for the air inside the body of the one who reads them, thank you for your infinitely cradling arms of nurturing grace. We would be lost without them, and have been lost for some time – blind to how much you give us daily. Thank you for your plant medicines and for the Shamans you have shared your secrets with, thank you for helping them find us. Thank you for shaking us to our bones. Bless the brave souls that do this work, for truly the way out is within, and there is still hope left for humanity and the beings of this world. You have looked into our hearts in order to remind us that NOW is the time to live our purpose. I thank you ever so humbly for this borrowed body, and for giving me the words that help others awaken and heal via the art and articulation of my experience.

My partner asked me “Shouldn’t you find some other way to talk about your experience, and disguise that you have tried Ayahuasca?” To which I explained that the level of healing I received, and what I was shown, has removed every drop of fear from my heart when discussing what a powerful healer this medicine and experience has been for me, and can be for so many others. I let my partner know that the message I received about how fast we were destroying our rain forest was too intense to ignore out of the fear of what someone else might think about the beautiful thing I just did with my own life. To be silent, is to be a part of the problem, and a perpetuating aspect of the stigma associated with entheogenic use and spiritual practice; a kind of hypocrite. I must talk my walk. Get it?

Day 1

It was pay-day, a much anticipated Friday, for it was to be my first time journeying with the mysterious plant medicine of the Amazon, Ayahuasca. A range of emotions filled my spirit, excitement, nervousness, fear. I wasn’t sure if I would make it in time, and I knew that the doors would close to those who were late. I had to cash my check, and buy a new fancy white outfit, white socks, and white underwear in record timing! I absolutely love wearing all white, and didn’t have a reason too for some years. As I entered the discount store, the perfect shirt was the only one on the rack, just my size. There was a series of perfect synchronicities unfolding that showed me I was being cradled by the hands of time all the way there. My trains arrived perfectly. Every step felt like walking the plank, but in a beautiful way. I was the one choosing this death by deciding to answer the call.

I entered the room of about 30 people all dressed in white, all from different walks of life, some experienced with the medicine, some absolutely not. I jotted these words down in my journal “I have no idea why the spirit has bought us together so, but I am looking forward to the magic. It feels like a return home, even before taking the medicine.” I thought I would be a lone stranger in this process, but as I walked in, there were people who knew me from my work in poetry, and I was also pleasantly surprised by the presence of a dance buddy that has been in my life for about a decade. Her presence was most reassuring. I excitedly hugged her and smiled, and between us was a man I had met before, who remembered my poetry, and was far more experienced with the medicine than I was. The lady to my right, answered a question I had about natural allergy remedies, I overheard it in a conversation she was having with someone else. So even before the journey I was being given information that would help me out, just by the presence of those brought together.

Our lovely director, a very gentle lady with a kind heart, let us all know that the ceremony would begin once the sun set, and that it would carry over into the morning. Our modern tracking devices (cell phones), were collected to be given back at the end. Our helpers were introduced, as it would be their job to clean up our vomit buckets throughout the night, and assist with things like, needing to run to the bathroom for a violent bowel movement, and just an overall grounding presence. They glowed with experience and compassion, and I hadn’t known in the moment, just how important they would be. I noticed the Shaman sitting quietly at the opposite end of the room, and I wondered what must be going through his mind. I knew he was real. After a while, I ceased chatting with my buddies near me and began shifting into a more meditative state on my fancy dragon meditation cushion (more on that later) feeling all mindful and experienced and what not, as this was not my first entheogen Shamanic healing experience. But I would soon discover that there is nothing quite like Ayahuasca.

The sun set, we were lead through a Kundalini Chakra Meditation that included chanting ancient Vedic mantras to awaken this energy. I was a mixture of anxious, nervous, and just ready to drink the damn thing, as I already centered myself, and did a Chakra cleansing and opening meditation on my own beforehand, as well as a Tonglen meditation for the whole room. I didn’t let my inner voice of arrogance and impatience ruin my time though, I just settled into the experience and listened to the beautiful sound of a room full of people chanting together, ready to face the demons within and experience ego death. Such brave souls. I did not know yet, just how brave.

Our Shaman cleansed and blessed the room. The sun was long set, and we went up one at a time to the Shaman’s place in the room to drink about a shot glass size of what to me, tasted like a wheat-grass shot mixed with soil and tree bark. I grew up drinking similar foul tasting things for good health, so I found it quite, dare I say, pleasant to drink, at the moment. I would not think so for long. Before the 30th person took their shot glass sized amount, the person next to me began vomiting his life away, and I was shocked, and horrified!! I began to ask the medicine “Please don’t make me go out like that, I got this new white shirt, please, don’t make me mess up my white clothes.” I could feel her gently working through me, taking her time, I felt her inspect my heart and I said “See, I’m not fighting you, my heart is open, and I’m ready.” I also took care to use the bathroom before hand, because I was not about to crap on my fresh whites. What a silly preoccupation of the mind.

About two people down from me, another sound effect of vomit being launched from a stomach ooze. This man was face down, butt in the air, face buried in bucket. The Shaman, began to sing. I was terrified, another person somewhere else in the room of 30 began violently retching. Oh god, oh god, my dear friend covered her ears, I followed suit. The sound, if nothing else, was starting to make me want to vomit too. We were an hour in, and at this point the Shaman asked “If you are not feeling the effects of the medicine, you are welcome to come up for another cup.” I wasn’t seeing visuals, or anything major, so me and my white socks walked softly across the floor for a full dose. About 20 minutes later, my journey began.

I asked her to help heal my body and mind, the history in my blood. At this point, I began weeping quietly, because I could see how hurt I’ve been from all the trauma in my life. I saw that I was walking around with invisible wounds, and how those wounds were ruining my decision making process. Another person began sexually moaning in the distance, another vomiting, another crying, the Shaman singing, I felt like I was in an emotional zoo, and yes, I was a part of it too. I felt cradled in the craziness of it all, and found the songs the Shaman sung (Icaros) to be quite soothing and grounding. At this point I was literally begging Aya not to make me throw up, but she was tired of my antics. I sat up faster than I have ever sat up in life and reached for my bucket and vomited so hard my body twist and wiggled like someone was squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube. Only it was my body. I don’t know, I thought that I would vomit much more elegantly than that. I began screaming for help, only it came out like a vulnerable defeated whimper on repeat. My fear of asking for help has been forever removed. That was one of her firsts gifts to me. Asking for help reveals a level of vulnerability many don’t like to express. I saw how stupid the whole idea around that was and just kept asking and asking, “Help.” The Shaman took forever to come over to me. And the helpers were taking care of others. I felt alone, so terribly alone, but I pushed through. The entire moment was the teacher. That was the second gift she gave me, over coming the fear of being alone.

The room, though dark, looked buzzed and electrified, like a layer of energy underneath everything was visible, and vibrating with the songs. Dimly colored mandala like structures were everywhere, I was in awe of what I was seeing, and thankful to vomit because I felt a dark energy leave my body when I did. My fancy white shirt, was now a vomit napkin, and my fancy meditation pillow had my crippled head resting on it, a far cry from my pretentious half lotus posture earlier in the night. All I could do was close my eyes. What did I get myself into? When I closed my eyes I saw that I was trapped in a maze of mirrors, each mirror representing some thought or idea about life that somehow cleverly trapped me into not being or seeing who I really was. At this point I said to the medicine in my mind – speaking for myself and for all of humanity – “Oh my God, we are too clever, I’m just trying to live, please, please, I didn’t mean to get myself into this mess, I surrender, help.” Then the mirrors were removed, and I began seeing the most amazing visuals I have ever seen in my life. Infinite vines of plants, bright lights, geometrics, and so many eyes everywhere, and I was being taught through it all. Sometimes with words, sometimes with light, always with the most intense love I didn’t even know was possible. The love the earth has for all it’s beings. An infinite unconditional love, even for the species currently trying to destroy her, us. An infinitely forgiving kind of love that just shook everything I thought I knew about love to its core. My mouth hung open in awe, and I shook my head in utter disbelief at how much I really didn’t know about love. I saw that our problems with each other stem from that lack of understanding the true immensity of love. I forgave everyone that has ever hurt me, because I knew it was because of this deep inner blindness we all experience, that was now being removed from me.

I could now feel my chakras spinning and buzzing with such intense energy, especially my root chakra, as it needed the most work. I kept hearing “Remember what you see,” over and over again, and I asked her “How?”, because what I was seeing was moving so fast, and was so intricate, that it was hard not to be overwhelmed or even distracted by it all. And then I kept hearing “Learn, Learn, Learn” and she showed me such wonders, and all the wonders were tiny little pieces of the whole and each were astonishing to look at, and then she said to me, that is why you don’t see your beauty, it is for them to see, the same way that you see theirs. The message was to know that I was part of the beauty, and that I was also it too, and that my shining was for others. At this point I was just like “Oh!” it was an instant epiphany, so gentle, so perfect, so what I needed to know. I cried and cried tears of healing release and joy. I saw that I was already whole, and knew it to be the truth with every fiber of my being. Then she started saying “Too fast to cry, too fast to cry.” While showing me, through intense abstract visuals, how fast life really is, and how silly it is to waste so much time on mourning, when our lives are but a blink of an eye. At this point I’ve officially lost count of the gifts. Everything felt like such infinite remembering. Some learning was happening too fast to consciously digest. I could feel her working in the background of my mind, like a soft surgeon of the soul.

The Shaman, finally came over and began singing the Icaros right over me, at this point something strange happened to me. I connected to his heart, as it is a habit of mine to try to hold a space of compassion for others no matter what. So here I was in this vulnerable state, still trying to hold a space for everyone in the room, and now even the Shaman. I felt the immensity of his story, as the medicine began to show me plants weeping and in so much pain, I felt the destruction of our rain forest manifest in my body as the most sad and horrible thing in our world. It hurt so much to feel it, it was as if the purge was now coming through my eyes in a most painful way. My tears were hot, and endless. I was in such a humble state of gratitude, even though his home is being destroyed, here he was still doing this ancient work. I could not understand how he didn’t give up, I felt his power, his compassion, frustration, and love all at once. I just kept saying to him with my hands in prayer position “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I knew that he felt that I knew. It was an empathic intuitive conversation of energy. Don’t ask me how it works. He then proceeded to help the others. As he walked away I began contemplating who I was, and I saw this big strong beautiful being with beautiful dark sparkling skin that seemed to have gems of light in it, he was pulling light through his left hand from the heavens, and shooting it out his right to those that he loved, which was pretty much, everybody. Then it hit me, Oh…that’s me! I got to see me from a perspective outside of myself, and I literally saw the beauty flowing from my hands to everyone. I saw the determination in my face, the will to keep going, something reminiscent of the Hindu deity Hanuman. I whispered to myself “I’m awesome.” I saw just why I should love being me, no matter what the world thinks. I saw that even in times of great turmoil, I am able to hold a space for others, because that is just who I am, and have always been. I’m a healer. I open my heart and funnel light with everything that I do. One foot in the unseen world, and one foot in the seen world. I am of ancient design, here for all who need me.

Uh oh, Bathroom time. As the helpers were busy emptying full buckets, during one of my “elegant” vomit episodes some spilled onto my journal, I was a sloppy hot mess, exhausted, and over it. Ready for it all to stop. It was calming down, and I was very thankful for that, so I finally got up and made my way to the bathroom, in my fancy white tank top. I was told by one of the helpers that the Shaman would be doing individual healing and that I should join the line for it. All I really wanted to do was lay down and just breathe, but who turns down a focused healing from a Shaman on their first Ayahuasca experience, not I! This healing was great, some Reiki was given to each person by the gentle lady who organized the event just before each of us went up to the Shaman. So perfect. A nice pre-closure to it all.

The sun was coming up, and I was still on my journey, a lighter version of it, with mild visuals when I closed my eyes. I was sick of the visuals at that point and just wanted to see the room and hear what was happening in my mind. As I laid there in fetal position I began contemplating my history, and I felt the memory of warriors in my genetics like tiny little light switches in my blood, I felt how important my gentle ways are for creating harmony even in times of war. I saw that thousands of years of perfection went into creating a being like me, and then Aya gave me the best gift of the night, I quietly whimpered out of my mouth “Oh…I’m not a mistake.” You see, I don’t know just when I began believing that, or how I so successfully buried it. It was an invisible wound, a result of being thrown away so many times in my life. A wound that I now have in my conscious awareness, which allows me to act in a different way. My power, my inner sense of strength and purpose came back full swing. I haven’t felt this brave and alive since I was a teenager. My last humble request to her was “Please, teach me how to love like you.” What a miracle this experience has been. Aho!

We ate fresh fruit and nuts in the morning, pot luck style. Each carefully crawled to the middle to get little bites of food with the only energy they had left from what was for many, a very difficult night. Rewarding, but difficult. Such is life. We then shared a bit of our experience to the whole group, still in the Aya afterglow. So awesome to hear what each had to say. Pieces of the puzzle we all are. Such insight, such love. Then the thought hit me “Oh NO! I have to do this all again tomorrow! What the hell was I thinking?!”

Day 2

When I returned home I could not sleep, and had I known the intensity of the Ceremony beforehand, I probably would not have chosen to do two nights back to back. I would have placed a day in between. Though, I am glad that the naive adventurous part of me won this battle.

So there I was, back in the room after only 4 hours of sleep, if you can call it that; my dreams were intense. I was one of the earliest to arrive, it felt like I never left. I found a spot closer to a window, so that I could get some air during the more challenging parts of the ceremony. We followed much of the preparation we did the night before with meditations, introductions of helpers and so on, so I’ll jump ahead and share what happened during my journey as best I can. You see, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and after beautifully vomiting on my journal the night prior, I was reluctant to write as much down. I was, spent, as they say.

I purged much less than the night before, and as I began communicating with the plant teacher, I noticed that I didn’t have much inner limiting garbage left to work through. I’ve done so much preliminary work on myself with meditation and journaling, that this second night was kind of an emotional breeze in comparison. I had strange experiences of group consciousness that become hard to describe. At moments I would have a question or think a thought, and someone else in the group would shout out, or sing and answer in a repetitive manner. This was quite bizarre to me. I’m used to the normal way this unfolds in groups. Close friends often finish each others’ sentences, or sometimes we can think of a person and they call. These are common place experiences that we take for granted. However, what was happening in that room took all of that to a whole different level, that again I can’t completely describe. The best description I can come up with is, awake and active conscious oneness in the realm of thought and emotion. The idea of the separate self was taking a back seat. It felt like we were all inside of each other on multiple levels of our being. My neighbors healing, was also my own. My healing, was also my neighbors.

So with my personal traumatic baggage left behind in a bucket somewhere, I decided to ask her to work on an issue that I see damaging the planet. In an effort to be the change I wish to see, I asked the medicine to work on my greed. That is when the purging began, and after spewing my guts out into the bucket, I saw infinite teeth on tiny little faces strung together infinitely chewing, until I was just utterly disgusted by witnessing the feverish consumption of everything in the path of the teeth. They were just chewing for the sake of chewing, destroying so much. I began chewing my own necklace like a wild mad man mimicking the teeth I was seeing in my mind’s eyes. If felt like I went back in time in human evolution, where we had to be greedy to survive. A level of greed that is totally unnecessary in this age. The chewing of my own amethyst necklace’s string made me see that we bite off even things we can’t chew. We take more than we can actually consume. I saw the horror of greed. It is hard be greedy after going through that. So when I thought I needed more medicine, I was reluctant to go up, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t an act of greed, as the first dose had already been quite strong on this second night.

After that, my journey felt like I was walking through the park with a friend having a light chat with profound implications. At some point, I began gently asking the medicine to show me herself. I used the softest, most kindly, loving inner voice I have ever known myself to use. The kind of voice you use when you don’t want to scare away a tiny animal you want to take a picture of or something. A voice that approaches silence as your heart swells with yearning, curiosity, and capture. The kind of voice you use when you want to tell someone that you love them, but you think your love might scare them away. It was at that moment of sincere vibration, that through the complex visuals and dances of light that I was seeing, the medicine manifested in front of my mind’s eye as a gentle feminine like face pushing through the infinitely moving vines. There was depth, there was beauty, there was calm, and this startled me deeply. Seeing that the medicine was an actual being that could manifest into a somewhat recognizable from was shocking, because up until that point, the visuals, though they had their “forms” and patterns that my mind could not comprehend, my mind could undoubtedly comprehend a face, and the emotion upon it. It peaked out at me, then just as quickly became hidden again.

It is writing about it now that I realize that the reason she vanished so quickly, was because I was not there to see her, I was there to see myself. In an act of service, to prevent my distraction, she moved herself out of my way. Even more peculiar is the realization that she was teaching me how to ask her to show herself without the use of my words. The proper description of what I am trying to convey escapes my language. It was a lesson in how to help selflessly, and how to teach quietly. Sometimes we help because we want to be seen or heard, and we want others to ask for us, but we must all grow beyond such petty traps of the ego, and help even when no one is looking, or knows that we are there. Lessons upon lessons.

Then the medicine took me to a point beyond the fractals, and shapes, and forms, a point beyond the vines, it was a space that was only profound pure light, a point that felt like it was where all things converge, and become truly one. It was here that I felt the undeniable presence of my Grandmother who recently passed. And for the very first time since her passing, I knew that she was okay, and that she was in that light I was now seeing. I witnessed the ease after death, the return to the light we will all take. I miss her, and it hurts that she is gone, but I am so happy that she is in light. What a gift this plant teacher is. Do you understand?

One of the noisier travelers tried to sing with the Shaman and the organizer and it was terribly off-key, and I wanted to laugh so bad, but I kept stifling my joy. At this point the medicine said “It’s just as hard for you to laugh as it is for you to vomit” and I thought that was crazy! Realizing that I was killing my own joy made me laugh and laugh and laugh uncontrollably. You know, I could just see how little control we have over what happens around us. I saw that at times, it is okay to just laugh at it all, and not try so hard.

The medicine began to subside, and in the moment I felt like I wasn’t getting much out of the experience because some of my deeper moments were interrupted by that same off-key singing traveler, now screaming in the ceremony. I would have liked to inspect that bright light and the presence of my Grandmother some more. But there was too much noise, because there was just so many people. I would have a divine moment, and then get ripped out of it by a scream or a yell or something utterly unnecessary happening in the space by someone less grounded. I wasn’t mad, but you know, the noise did take away quite a bit of my experience on this second night.

So I did what any wise person would do! I went up for a second full purge inducing dose after the yelling stopped. My purging this time was just dry heaving and deep breaths, no liquid. It was like I reached the bottom of myself, like I “got it all out.” The visuals returned and I asked the medicine in my excited arrogance “Do you remember me?” to which the reply was “You are just a leaf.” Keep in mind that, I was seeing infinite leaves for the past two days, so to be told that I was just a leaf, was quite ego destroying. Then she said “but you are a leaf on me.” That, really warmed my heart. Why? Because of how it translates to humanity, you know, we are each a leaf of humanity, and we are each playing our part, and we will each fall off and die, but that doesn’t take away the fact that we are all a part of each other, moving as one whether we are aware of it or not. We are all small, we are all important. Then she took on the strangest shapes and began teaching me through light and magic once again. Magic is the best word I can use, because the visions also took on the effect of landscapes and scenery, or realms I have no other way of describing without using the words cosmically magical – I saw what the visionaries paint. So I said “that’s beautiful, but I can’t paint, please help me use the right words when sharing this experience with others.” Dear reader, did she answer my request effectively? Have you been moved by these words? Have they taken you to a part of yourself that has similar wounds? Magic. However, I was still perplexed by her lack of taking a shape, to which she responded “I don’t need a form, it is not me who must remember my beauty, it is you who must remember yours.” Isn’t remembering what it’s all about? I forgot some of the deeper lessons that only happened about an hour before during my first dose and purge. I was baffled, how could I forget on the same day, the same night, in the same ceremony? It is true what they say, the real ceremony begins after the ceremony. We can only remember what we allow ourselves to integrate…with time.

And this is where my sharing of the journey ends. I am still integrating so much, I could not fit it all into this entry, but you will see my art, and know, that something deep within me has been changed for good.

Aho!

Morning Meditation Message 17

Contemplate your cosmic origin. The you before the body of human. All around is the evidence of return. Like an inhale and an exhale, our bodies are filled with life and are emptied. You are the life force, not the body. Like the trunk of a fallen tree that becomes the soil, so too will we disperse and give way to other expressions of life after our time here. Light is the soil of the soul, life is both an exploration of expansion and a return trip. Use your time here – in that beautiful specific incarnation that you are – well. It took billions of years to make you, and to leave within the fabric of your creation the freedom for you to be absolutely ridiculous. What do I mean? Well, ridiculous in the sense that sometimes you believe that your imperfections are greater than the infinite wisdom coded into – not only your soul as geometric manifestations of light – but also in the genetic codes of your body; the history of your people. Contemplate your cosmic origin, you are an exquisite being that chose to forget why you came here, so that you may feel the beauty of remembering. You wanted a break from the infinite wisdom of the soul, and a taste of new undiscovered experience. Have you had your fill of forgetting yet? I know I have! Stop judging what you see in the mirror, you are a miracle still in expansion, a miracle that not one of us can truly comprehend or put into words. Enter the doors of your hearts calling, and let gratitude carry you beyond the illusion of your limitations.

Like, Comment, or Share if it touches you there! Thank you ❤
Amen, Ashe, Aho, Namaste. 🙂

Help

Too afraid to need people, too afraid to love
Too afraid to need people, too afraid to hug
Too afraid to be the one on receiving end
Too afraid to be the one, truly a friend

So, we disguise how we need people
With clever little games
Do this and do that for me now
Confusing all the names

Who is it that is owed, if everything is one
Who made the palms of hands
Perhaps that which made the drums
You are harmony made of rhythm
Pretending you don’t need music
So, alone in silence you sit and sulk
Just about to lose it

Blaming all the world
For every problem you face
Still, my compassion remains infinite
A divine gift of grace
I didn’t come to harm you
I only came to care
Now you send those broken wounds
Launched through silent air

How is it that you think
The energy was missed
I know you need me too
For you, a silent  kiss
Blown from hand
In the realm of thought
where all things begin
The reason why you lose
Too focused on the win
The sideways secret game
To get more than you give
Taking food from another
Expecting them to live

You don’t see the pain you cause
Only what’s done to you
How can you let anyone in
With a barbed wire point of view

Too afraid to need people, too afraid to love
Too afraid to need people, too afraid to hug
Too afraid to be the one on receiving end
Too afraid to be the one, truly a friend

Kevon Simpson 2015 ©

Diaspora

Spraying like spore prints across the land
our power lotus flower like made to sprout in mud
the muck of our forgotten woe separated from us
by the use of clever language that cleaves at self-worth
our jeans hang as low as our spirits as our genes cry
ancestors turning in their graves twisting double helix like
embarrassed to be a part of the present beheading
they are still lynching us for sport.

Kevon Simpson © 2015

Morning Meditation Message 11

Sometimes life will ask that you wait quietly in the wing until it is your turn to step on the stage. We can learn so much from performers in those moments. There is silence in the wing, a shifting behind the curtains to just the right spot into just the right light. It is not always easy to see just how you’ll enter, because some people are coming off stage right in your path. They are not yet concerned with your silence, they may hurriedly pass through your wing just to get to the other side, in order to enter the stage very quickly once again. So, we must learn to move out of the way of others who are already on stage, as we patiently await our turn. You are not forgotten. The anxiety is part of it, the eagerness to be seen – to contribute your part. But know when to be in the audience, when to be in the wing, and when to be on stage, for they are all important pieces of the performance. The pieces belong to each other, and if you take one away, the others don’t quite work the same. Learn from the wing to be like the wing, a quiet refuge before entering. You are being called from the seat of the audience to remember your part before stepping behind the wing, and when the time comes for you to be on the stage of your life, you’ll never miss a single beat. Enjoy this beautiful day!

Morning Meditation Message 9

With or without anything there is always love, needing no partner to prove its existence as valid, it will flow unhindered. Love does not come with things, so how can it leave without them, its existence is not contingent upon tangible things. Love remains spotless, and unchanged, all there ever was has come from it, endlessly forgiving and boundlessly nourishing, inexhaustible with all the strength one will ever need to forbear the hardships of life in order to make miracles from the tragedy. To make it through, we must remember to hunt for it more within ourselves than anywhere else, for what we come to find in the external search is only there to show us as a reflection, just how much unconditional love we set free and vibrate from our own being. Enjoy this beautiful spring day!

Morning Meditation Message 8

Progress happens swift for some and slow for others. In our days here of learning and integrating the messages of the soul, let us learn to be patient. Let us remember that a drop of water fills the bucket, and remember that we may not see all the drops someone is gathering inside them. We may have our physical measuring sticks for physical things, but this is about the non physical aspect of all beings. In this non physical aspect of who we are and who others are, let us remember that the awakening process of another is happening, whether we see proof of it or not. Awakening can happen in the flash of an instant. The progress is inevitable, light is a seed that will always grow, and not always on the logical timetable we come to understand in our limited experience of knowing. No matter the age or how justified we may feel in our pain and what it has taught us, should we ever think that the same thing is happening all over again. Similar, but not the same. Can you see the grain of the lesson you might have missed? Will you make something nourishing of it instead. These are questions to ask in your silent spaces, as you come into the fullness of your being. Enjoy this beautiful day. Sorrow or joy, it is all still a gift. Open it, and your heart too.

Morning Meditation Message 7

Concentration is a gift you give to yourself. The ability to focus intently upon one thing with sincerity of heart, brings it closer to you. Sometimes it is not about distance or time, and more about vibration. Literally, how you feel in your heart, radiates out to all the world. On the truest level of being, there are no secrets, that which is in all, knows all, speaks to all. So, if what is in the silent spaces of your heart, is frustration, rage, anger, envy and so on, why think that smiling on the face will disguise this? You are always seen, not as a fear based threat or punishment – you are always seen, because you are always loved, and always have been. Watching, being aware, is a kind of love that none of us had to earn. This was a natural part of us before taking this physical body, and is a part of us even now. What am I trying to say this morning? What you seek is also seeking you, and so to honor that, you must let go of what is letting go of you. Clinging, even to the idea of how justified your frustration, rage, and anger may be, does noting for your health or the pursuit of your goals. It literally makes your immune system weaker, and keeps your dreams and goals away from you, which then makes you more upset and bitter, which then lowers your immune system some more, and on and on the cycle goes until you end up in the hospital blaming the world for it all. Forgive and let go. You are the landlord of your own mind. What kind of tenants have you moved in? Catch yourself today, in that moment of the knee-jerk response to whatever it is that bothers you, change the thought. Take a deep breath, and change the thought, this is likened to changing the keys. Are you following the metaphor? Stop painting the house to fix a leak in the basement, the work is internal. Be patient with yourself as you would be with a small child, and in time you will build a wellspring of resilience, the focus needed, to truly reach your goal. We are all children on the inside, the tantrums however, can be a little bit more complex. Stop. Enjoy this lovely day, it is a gift, and so is the life in you.

Morning Meditation Message 1

In order for you to step into what you are wanting to attract to yourself, you must allow things that no longer serve your highest good to die. This may include old relationships and even parts of yourself that you have long outgrown. The shy you, the victim you, the part of you that likes how delicious resentment can feel, the hurt you, the envious you, the you that thinks someone else’s success takes away from your own. None of those versions of yourself are actually you, they are only habits of an ego insistent upon its own survival at the cost of all else. The real you is a timeless and boundless spark of all creation. All of those inner drops of poison must be overcome for you to truly be happy and attract the life you have been imagining for yourself for so long. You are your own roadblock, step out of your own emotional way. However, be easy on yourself and know that our work in this way is never done, there are always deeper levels of letting go, and deeper levels of growth for each of us to attain. You are an infinite being.

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Differences Spoken

1.
I find myself writing a spokenword piece
And calling myself a poet, but the reality is
All words are spoken, if only in the mind
Misfired and ejected no longer sustaining self
Shouting words to make someone else cry instead

Such fresh picked cruelty, fermented fruit
The intoxication makes it worth it some nights
When I see my younger self in another
Fingers trembling as icicles in the wind
Falling to crash, a sound, they will forget by morning

At times I would win the smoke and mirrors
Mitote reflections, the pages slaughtering shadow
Such blinding it must take to cast one so tall
There is something about the pressure
Of winning, that chokes creativity
My small and kind was almost killed

2.
“You talk like a girl,
Start acting like a boy!”

3.
Is this a world of not enough
Or are we just hardened
And bruised by the tough
That come to kill
All plush things
To crack the bill
And pluck the wings

4.
I continued walking with my friend
Have you ever been spit on from an overpass
For wearing clothes you liked to wear?

5.
He shot him so fast that we marched for peace
I can’t tell which is more tired, this action, or my heart
Cops don’t even have to leave their cars to die
These days, wearing the uniform is enough
Like wearing minority skin has always been.

6.
What a cruel point to make.

7.
Maybe this is all just one big funeral
For God, or the ideas of, that have failed
The idealist in me wants to believe
That poems are prayers that can save something
Certainly not the world, at least, it documents history
At best, it inspires action through tender love
In between hugging and kissing we toss a bucket on the fire
Far too much work to be done, for any one thing
To actually work.

8.
“Trust me man, if you spoke a bit louder, you would win!”
When all the world is screaming, what we miss most,
is a soft, kind, and quiet voice.

by Kevon Simpson © 2015
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