What To Do When ‘Role Model’ Picks You

“I didn’t sign up to be anybody’s role model” – Some Free Spirit

Sound familiar? Hey there free spirit, yeah you. What did you think following your dreams passionately to completion was going to do ? How could you have ever made the mistake of thinking that no one was paying attention to the starlight falling from your eyes? How could you be so amazing and miss that you are like the sky another heart looks up to as it lays on the grass feeling the peace of a summer breeze your words travel upon? In a world designed to trap and conform, how dare you believe that no one saw you rattle the cage open with your bleeding teeth and bare hands? How in the world are you still smiling after all that? Hats off to you my friend, with the soul light that nothing can tarnish.

It is time to embrace the next level. And this will mean accepting the mask of role model. Know that the mask weighs both a ton and is as light as a feather. Know that the world will demand that you walk on water with joy, we live through your brave attempts with no fear of appearing foolishly nieve. The way you breathe under water is so inspiring that see here, feathers have grown where rib cages used to be, and with those that have fallen from your heart – I have collected ever so carefully. I use them to sage another’s frown until it becomes a smile.

Sometimes I tell them how afraid you were to leap off the edge, you know, but not to like…embarrass you or anything, but as if to say “Proof!” In a world where so many do not believe in who they are, you are like a diamond to me, to us all, and you can’t stop now because it is only, the beginning. Reward? Ha! This is not about you silly, it’s about us. Purify your intent, under the mask if you must, because we already believe in you, and no mistake you have made that allowed unworthiness into the vibration of your being, is stronger than Love.

This Is A Call To Action. Respond, knowing fully that you are supported by all that is.

 

The Shadow Behind Shadow

SHAMANAs the whispy shadows escaped the bedroom, and across the ceiling, they landed in the auric field and mind of the person in the room experiencing a the most debilitating level of fear, shame, guilt, and self-hate in her life. For what else can develop in the heart of a person everyone else is trying to “fix” without first acknowledging their role in creating an environment, a psychic field of judgement pumping through the bioelectromagnetic waves of the heart? There are no such things as walls in the deeper levels of shamanic work. One is only able to cure by the result of the darkness they have faced inside their own hearts, and overcome.

The path is not an easy one because it can mean seeing and feeling things about, people, and places you’d rather not, things that would make another go mad if they are not steadily prepared over time. For example, as I was in the peak of a journey in the apartment where I was almost choked to death, I saw something I would never forget. You see, I wanted to get to the “root” of things, the hows and whys of such a disastrous unfolding in my life that happened a mere three days before I had to guide my own community into deeper healing visionary states. Understand, that if shamanic work is truly your calling, the sharpening of your sword in the fire of life is ceaseless, we have somewhat mistakenly named such moments, tests.

That night, the ocean had nothing on my tears, so infinite were they, that I knew not the power of the light anymore and sobbed until my body became limp with exhaustion. Then with my eyes closed, I saw with the eye inside, a being of ghastly geometric whirling patterns of light that had a joyous face as it hungrily drank my sorrow filled tears with exquisite delight. Immediately my sorrow was replaced with frightful disgust, my tears stopped like a car at a red light with a police camera. The thought that my sorrow was feeding a thing that I on a daily basis was not even aware of, was beyond perplexing, for it layed there in an ocean of sorrow feeding on the entire building. Thus I saw, from the visionary plane, that it was time for me to leave that neighborhood entirely.

If you read these words wondering if what I saw was real or not, the point has flown completely over your head. It is what we do with the visions that matter. It is how we integrate the messages of light and shadow that matters. Anyone can see something, cool, alien, spooky, or magical, but only the responsible travelers can turn it into something useful here and now.

So, as the whispy shadows escaped the bedroom and into the mind and auric field of the young lady we were called to serve, the importance of Palo Santo, Mapacho, Sage, and Lavender were made clear, for we had none of it and the cleansing work became extremely difficult without our tools. Still though we had, the most important tool of all, brave unconditional loving, and compassionate hearts. Rainbow warriors, take from this that even with your hands empty, the magic can still work. You, beloved, are the medicine, but for the love of all that is on your side, bring your damn tools to the ceremony.

Okay?

Ayahuasca: A year later

It is the evening after a ceremony weekend, or the purge as it is also known, a whole year since my first time sitting with the ancient jungle brew Ayahuasca. There is an egocentric idea in the minds of many people that think that what happens on a medicine journey can be done on ones own. So they watch from the distance and judge. Though, all one has to do is turn on the television for a few minutes of the evening news to see just how good humanity handles things on its own. Indeed there are many paths to the deepest awakening of life purpose available to us all during this wonderful age of ascension, and in that regard, it is vitally important to protect this very special one. A knowing of which is only available to you in countless documentaries and articles because our amazon is being destroyed, and thus from the destruction this secret was exposed. So our plant guardians are reaching out to those who will listen, and that is the calling one hears before drinking Ayahuasca. The subtlety of plant communication made clear in the heart of ones awareness. It is the desire to experience a mode of healing that hasn’t gone through the rational mind of science, or the pockets of big pharma.

Ruysen Flores Venancino_38After a deep betrayal a few years ago, my life began to spiral slowly out of control. I found myself in the company of poisonous people (I fully acknowledge that at times, I too have been the poisonous one for others, so this is not about blame) who did not want to see me succeed. My life consisted of living within a beauty destroying nest of hungry venomous snakes who were addicted to drugs and keeping it a secret. So, step one of my healing, was taking responsibility for the situation I allowed myself to be asleep in due to a lack of self-respect, and a lack of self-love. You see, I wanted the healing for others more than I sought it for myself; dedicated my life to it. Though, what I call “healing” I have come to understand as a remembering of the perfection that is already within, at the time however, I approached it from a perspective of trying to “fix” people, and even myself. The call of the medicine got louder and louder during this time, and after a failed attempt at raising the funds to go to Peru, I began to fine tune my intent. I allowed into my awareness the possibility that maybe these kinds of ceremonies were being done in the U.S.A but underground, and I was right.

Though I will not go into specific details due to our current laws around entheogenic compounds, I will say that working with Ayahuasca was not my first mind altering experience. Though, heart altering is a more accurate description. In fact, these experiences have been pivotal in the unfolding of my ability to forgive and be a vibrating source of tireless love for so many in my life. Meditation has also been a vital tool for the integration and application of entheogenic experiences that forced me to break open my human level of compassion by contemplating the kind of compassion it takes to be a planet. So when I weigh the ability of our planet’s heart to give, next to the ability of my own heart to give, I see that the room for growth is infinite. A heart full of pain can not support life. So, meditating on planetary compassion now comes with a richness of layered meaning that wasn’t available to me before. Yet I understand that “the planet’s heart” is still a foreign concept to some. If even just a thought, it is a beautiful thought that if integrated into ones awareness, and the awareness of those in positions of power specifically, the destruction of our forests would not be happening, nor would the bombing of each other be a real thing in our world.

juan-Carlos-Taminchi-6I can write pages upon pages of the images I’ve seen during these journeys, and speak to you of the ancestors greeting me with joy. However, the message that came through after a year of clearing childhood traumas, stepping into my path as a shaman and more, was: Remember what you didn’t see. After a year of repeating the message “remember what you see” La Madre Medicina flipped it on me! I am not only in awe of the teaching, but in how it was delivered. How is it that a plant remembered its place in the pages of the book of inspiring my life? How does it remember where it left off, and continue teaching months later? We are being called to remember that beyond the perceivable spectrum of light, there is still light. We are being called to remember that beyond the perceivable spectrum of sound, there is still sound. We are being called to remember that beyond the perceivable spectrum of feeling there are still feelings unknown, untapped – the uncharted territories of creation. Entire worlds dwell in lightless silent spaces. It is from these spaces that the complexity of imagination has its origin, and is then made manifest in our physical reality.

So a year later, I’m still with the same lovely community, and I’ve made some very special friends who understand me, and support me blossoming into more than I ever imagined for my life. I sometimes sing in ceremony and play my steel tongue drum Tully, her name means peace. Thanks to Ayahuasca I got over the fear of being a musician, and in allowing my heart to sing, I help others do the same. You should see me banging my djembe down the street, playing my didgeridoo for the neighborhood, or playing Tully in the subway. After a year of this work, I am happy to say that I feel like it is wonderful to be myself. I used to hate existing, and that is now a thing of the past.

Seeing In The Dark

remember what you didn’t see
hiding for eternity
the phantoms that swim
in spaces unknown
until you decide to make them shown

and you can hold them hiding well
though they bring chaos as they swell

flashing lights and secret sights
in sacred spaces glow
as you seek the more you learn
remember what they didn’t show

-by Kevon Simpson (written during ceremony)

La Madre. La Medicina. Gracias Gracias Gracias.

Rainbow Serpent

Morning Meditation Message 25

“In our interactions with others, gentleness, kindness, respect are the source of harmony.” – Pocket Buddha

Sometimes the messages come from people in our lives that we are not ready to hear the message from. We form many reasons in our minds around why we should or should not listen to someone and act upon those reasons. Even if we are not making an outward display of our true feelings around what someone is sharing with us, our actions reveal the truth over time. We can’t figure it all out on our own, and not every divine message is going to come from a soft voice. There are times when we must be shaken so deeply to the core of our beliefs that we no longer have the strength to hold on to the ones that are not in the spirit of creating a better life for oneself and humanity. Sometimes the words can be triggering, but if you tap into the meditative practice of deep listening, you can hear the message underneath what one may even call aggressive communication. Let’s face it, not everyone in our world has worked on communicating the way you like it to be. Only you can do that. At times it’s not even the fact that the other person is communicating aggressively that is the problem. It is that you are so used to communicating with yourself aggressively, that the interpretation of someone else doing that to you is unbearable. It is as if your heart says “I do that quite well to myself already and I can’t take another ounce of it.”

So why let negative self talk continue? How can you set yourself free or be open to nourishing things if you can’t love yourself in your own mind? I really do mean loving everything that has happened to you, and loving even more your ability to transcend it all. You don’t have to interpret your life experience as broken. The interpretation of brokenness invites more of the life situations that create it by nature of activating the plane of thought and emotion that inevitably leads to physical manifestation. A belief in your wholeness will manifest situations that reflect it back to you. You will hear words you weren’t open to listening to before, simply because they were coming from a direction or a voice you did not want or expect it to come from. You will move beyond your ego so much, that you will even be able to listen to the parts of you that you miss. The inner child who believed in possibilities, the inner child who found play in the middle of wars, the inner child in you who creates joy effortlessly. To change your life, you must change your thoughts, and you can do so by meeting yourself with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Then you will naturally give the same to others. Self harmony = World harmony.

Your life does not have to look like anyone else for you to feel good about it. Love life. You are it, and so is the messenger. See the light beyond form, and remember the power of our souls. You are the fluid light of love eternally flowing, visiting a human body for now. Use your time wisely.

Morning Meditation Message 23

We come home and lock our doors. We leave and lock our doors. Everywhere is the automatic practice of protecting ourselves from the ever pressing realization that we can not trust our neighbors. This protection has become automatic. This protection has become an accepted part of everyday life. This way of being has made its way into the hearts of billions of people, a collective consciousness that practices fear – that justifies it via the evening news. You see, it is up to us to feed our hearts and minds something else, the possibility of unfolding a new paradigm. A world where we don’t have to lock our doors, or our hearts. Inspect the speed at which you lock people out – how you pretend no one is home. That way of being is connected to how you refuse to answer your phone when a wounded friend calls. Someone else’s pain is the needle point that bursts your heart so that compassion may flow as golden honey from it. Wouldn’t you love to find out just how sweet you really are when you aren’t slamming your doors shut? Behind the door is your pain, that secret wound you want no one to see, but in the waves of unseen vibrational expressions of the heart, there are no secrets. Intuition is original sight, love the pain out of the world, and allow the world to love the pain out of you.

A Ceremony of Lights Awakening

A Ceremony of Lights Awakening

Gratitude is what I would first like to express to all the indigenous tribes that have been eradicated in a world that forgot long ago how to live in balance with nature. Thank you for all that you have taught us about ourselves and human origins, thank you to those of you still pushing on as capitalist greed works feverishly to destroy the lungs of the earth. Thank you for showing me the part I play in the mess making, so that I may mindfully be of better assistance to my brothers, sisters, and the planet. Thank you Mother Earth for the air I am breathing as I write these words, and thank you for the air inside the body of the one who reads them, thank you for your infinitely cradling arms of nurturing grace. We would be lost without them, and have been lost for some time – blind to how much you give us daily. Thank you for your plant medicines and for the Shamans you have shared your secrets with, thank you for helping them find us. Thank you for shaking us to our bones. Bless the brave souls that do this work, for truly the way out is within, and there is still hope left for humanity and the beings of this world. You have looked into our hearts in order to remind us that NOW is the time to live our purpose. I thank you ever so humbly for this borrowed body, and for giving me the words that help others awaken and heal via the art and articulation of my experience.

My partner asked me “Shouldn’t you find some other way to talk about your experience, and disguise that you have tried Ayahuasca?” To which I explained that the level of healing I received, and what I was shown, has removed every drop of fear from my heart when discussing what a powerful healer this medicine and experience has been for me, and can be for so many others. I let my partner know that the message I received about how fast we were destroying our rain forest was too intense to ignore out of the fear of what someone else might think about the beautiful thing I just did with my own life. To be silent, is to be a part of the problem, and a perpetuating aspect of the stigma associated with entheogenic use and spiritual practice; a kind of hypocrite. I must talk my walk. Get it?

Day 1

It was pay-day, a much anticipated Friday, for it was to be my first time journeying with the mysterious plant medicine of the Amazon, Ayahuasca. A range of emotions filled my spirit, excitement, nervousness, fear. I wasn’t sure if I would make it in time, and I knew that the doors would close to those who were late. I had to cash my check, and buy a new fancy white outfit, white socks, and white underwear in record timing! I absolutely love wearing all white, and didn’t have a reason too for some years. As I entered the discount store, the perfect shirt was the only one on the rack, just my size. There was a series of perfect synchronicities unfolding that showed me I was being cradled by the hands of time all the way there. My trains arrived perfectly. Every step felt like walking the plank, but in a beautiful way. I was the one choosing this death by deciding to answer the call.

I entered the room of about 30 people all dressed in white, all from different walks of life, some experienced with the medicine, some absolutely not. I jotted these words down in my journal “I have no idea why the spirit has bought us together so, but I am looking forward to the magic. It feels like a return home, even before taking the medicine.” I thought I would be a lone stranger in this process, but as I walked in, there were people who knew me from my work in poetry, and I was also pleasantly surprised by the presence of a dance buddy that has been in my life for about a decade. Her presence was most reassuring. I excitedly hugged her and smiled, and between us was a man I had met before, who remembered my poetry, and was far more experienced with the medicine than I was. The lady to my right, answered a question I had about natural allergy remedies, I overheard it in a conversation she was having with someone else. So even before the journey I was being given information that would help me out, just by the presence of those brought together.

Our lovely director, a very gentle lady with a kind heart, let us all know that the ceremony would begin once the sun set, and that it would carry over into the morning. Our modern tracking devices (cell phones), were collected to be given back at the end. Our helpers were introduced, as it would be their job to clean up our vomit buckets throughout the night, and assist with things like, needing to run to the bathroom for a violent bowel movement, and just an overall grounding presence. They glowed with experience and compassion, and I hadn’t known in the moment, just how important they would be. I noticed the Shaman sitting quietly at the opposite end of the room, and I wondered what must be going through his mind. I knew he was real. After a while, I ceased chatting with my buddies near me and began shifting into a more meditative state on my fancy dragon meditation cushion (more on that later) feeling all mindful and experienced and what not, as this was not my first entheogen Shamanic healing experience. But I would soon discover that there is nothing quite like Ayahuasca.

The sun set, we were lead through a Kundalini Chakra Meditation that included chanting ancient Vedic mantras to awaken this energy. I was a mixture of anxious, nervous, and just ready to drink the damn thing, as I already centered myself, and did a Chakra cleansing and opening meditation on my own beforehand, as well as a Tonglen meditation for the whole room. I didn’t let my inner voice of arrogance and impatience ruin my time though, I just settled into the experience and listened to the beautiful sound of a room full of people chanting together, ready to face the demons within and experience ego death. Such brave souls. I did not know yet, just how brave.

Our Shaman cleansed and blessed the room. The sun was long set, and we went up one at a time to the Shaman’s place in the room to drink about a shot glass size of what to me, tasted like a wheat-grass shot mixed with soil and tree bark. I grew up drinking similar foul tasting things for good health, so I found it quite, dare I say, pleasant to drink, at the moment. I would not think so for long. Before the 30th person took their shot glass sized amount, the person next to me began vomiting his life away, and I was shocked, and horrified!! I began to ask the medicine “Please don’t make me go out like that, I got this new white shirt, please, don’t make me mess up my white clothes.” I could feel her gently working through me, taking her time, I felt her inspect my heart and I said “See, I’m not fighting you, my heart is open, and I’m ready.” I also took care to use the bathroom before hand, because I was not about to crap on my fresh whites. What a silly preoccupation of the mind.

About two people down from me, another sound effect of vomit being launched from a stomach ooze. This man was face down, butt in the air, face buried in bucket. The Shaman, began to sing. I was terrified, another person somewhere else in the room of 30 began violently retching. Oh god, oh god, my dear friend covered her ears, I followed suit. The sound, if nothing else, was starting to make me want to vomit too. We were an hour in, and at this point the Shaman asked “If you are not feeling the effects of the medicine, you are welcome to come up for another cup.” I wasn’t seeing visuals, or anything major, so me and my white socks walked softly across the floor for a full dose. About 20 minutes later, my journey began.

I asked her to help heal my body and mind, the history in my blood. At this point, I began weeping quietly, because I could see how hurt I’ve been from all the trauma in my life. I saw that I was walking around with invisible wounds, and how those wounds were ruining my decision making process. Another person began sexually moaning in the distance, another vomiting, another crying, the Shaman singing, I felt like I was in an emotional zoo, and yes, I was a part of it too. I felt cradled in the craziness of it all, and found the songs the Shaman sung (Icaros) to be quite soothing and grounding. At this point I was literally begging Aya not to make me throw up, but she was tired of my antics. I sat up faster than I have ever sat up in life and reached for my bucket and vomited so hard my body twist and wiggled like someone was squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube. Only it was my body. I don’t know, I thought that I would vomit much more elegantly than that. I began screaming for help, only it came out like a vulnerable defeated whimper on repeat. My fear of asking for help has been forever removed. That was one of her firsts gifts to me. Asking for help reveals a level of vulnerability many don’t like to express. I saw how stupid the whole idea around that was and just kept asking and asking, “Help.” The Shaman took forever to come over to me. And the helpers were taking care of others. I felt alone, so terribly alone, but I pushed through. The entire moment was the teacher. That was the second gift she gave me, over coming the fear of being alone.

The room, though dark, looked buzzed and electrified, like a layer of energy underneath everything was visible, and vibrating with the songs. Dimly colored mandala like structures were everywhere, I was in awe of what I was seeing, and thankful to vomit because I felt a dark energy leave my body when I did. My fancy white shirt, was now a vomit napkin, and my fancy meditation pillow had my crippled head resting on it, a far cry from my pretentious half lotus posture earlier in the night. All I could do was close my eyes. What did I get myself into? When I closed my eyes I saw that I was trapped in a maze of mirrors, each mirror representing some thought or idea about life that somehow cleverly trapped me into not being or seeing who I really was. At this point I said to the medicine in my mind – speaking for myself and for all of humanity – “Oh my God, we are too clever, I’m just trying to live, please, please, I didn’t mean to get myself into this mess, I surrender, help.” Then the mirrors were removed, and I began seeing the most amazing visuals I have ever seen in my life. Infinite vines of plants, bright lights, geometrics, and so many eyes everywhere, and I was being taught through it all. Sometimes with words, sometimes with light, always with the most intense love I didn’t even know was possible. The love the earth has for all it’s beings. An infinite unconditional love, even for the species currently trying to destroy her, us. An infinitely forgiving kind of love that just shook everything I thought I knew about love to its core. My mouth hung open in awe, and I shook my head in utter disbelief at how much I really didn’t know about love. I saw that our problems with each other stem from that lack of understanding the true immensity of love. I forgave everyone that has ever hurt me, because I knew it was because of this deep inner blindness we all experience, that was now being removed from me.

I could now feel my chakras spinning and buzzing with such intense energy, especially my root chakra, as it needed the most work. I kept hearing “Remember what you see,” over and over again, and I asked her “How?”, because what I was seeing was moving so fast, and was so intricate, that it was hard not to be overwhelmed or even distracted by it all. And then I kept hearing “Learn, Learn, Learn” and she showed me such wonders, and all the wonders were tiny little pieces of the whole and each were astonishing to look at, and then she said to me, that is why you don’t see your beauty, it is for them to see, the same way that you see theirs. The message was to know that I was part of the beauty, and that I was also it too, and that my shining was for others. At this point I was just like “Oh!” it was an instant epiphany, so gentle, so perfect, so what I needed to know. I cried and cried tears of healing release and joy. I saw that I was already whole, and knew it to be the truth with every fiber of my being. Then she started saying “Too fast to cry, too fast to cry.” While showing me, through intense abstract visuals, how fast life really is, and how silly it is to waste so much time on mourning, when our lives are but a blink of an eye. At this point I’ve officially lost count of the gifts. Everything felt like such infinite remembering. Some learning was happening too fast to consciously digest. I could feel her working in the background of my mind, like a soft surgeon of the soul.

The Shaman, finally came over and began singing the Icaros right over me, at this point something strange happened to me. I connected to his heart, as it is a habit of mine to try to hold a space of compassion for others no matter what. So here I was in this vulnerable state, still trying to hold a space for everyone in the room, and now even the Shaman. I felt the immensity of his story, as the medicine began to show me plants weeping and in so much pain, I felt the destruction of our rain forest manifest in my body as the most sad and horrible thing in our world. It hurt so much to feel it, it was as if the purge was now coming through my eyes in a most painful way. My tears were hot, and endless. I was in such a humble state of gratitude, even though his home is being destroyed, here he was still doing this ancient work. I could not understand how he didn’t give up, I felt his power, his compassion, frustration, and love all at once. I just kept saying to him with my hands in prayer position “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I knew that he felt that I knew. It was an empathic intuitive conversation of energy. Don’t ask me how it works. He then proceeded to help the others. As he walked away I began contemplating who I was, and I saw this big strong beautiful being with beautiful dark sparkling skin that seemed to have gems of light in it, he was pulling light through his left hand from the heavens, and shooting it out his right to those that he loved, which was pretty much, everybody. Then it hit me, Oh…that’s me! I got to see me from a perspective outside of myself, and I literally saw the beauty flowing from my hands to everyone. I saw the determination in my face, the will to keep going, something reminiscent of the Hindu deity Hanuman. I whispered to myself “I’m awesome.” I saw just why I should love being me, no matter what the world thinks. I saw that even in times of great turmoil, I am able to hold a space for others, because that is just who I am, and have always been. I’m a healer. I open my heart and funnel light with everything that I do. One foot in the unseen world, and one foot in the seen world. I am of ancient design, here for all who need me.

Uh oh, Bathroom time. As the helpers were busy emptying full buckets, during one of my “elegant” vomit episodes some spilled onto my journal, I was a sloppy hot mess, exhausted, and over it. Ready for it all to stop. It was calming down, and I was very thankful for that, so I finally got up and made my way to the bathroom, in my fancy white tank top. I was told by one of the helpers that the Shaman would be doing individual healing and that I should join the line for it. All I really wanted to do was lay down and just breathe, but who turns down a focused healing from a Shaman on their first Ayahuasca experience, not I! This healing was great, some Reiki was given to each person by the gentle lady who organized the event just before each of us went up to the Shaman. So perfect. A nice pre-closure to it all.

The sun was coming up, and I was still on my journey, a lighter version of it, with mild visuals when I closed my eyes. I was sick of the visuals at that point and just wanted to see the room and hear what was happening in my mind. As I laid there in fetal position I began contemplating my history, and I felt the memory of warriors in my genetics like tiny little light switches in my blood, I felt how important my gentle ways are for creating harmony even in times of war. I saw that thousands of years of perfection went into creating a being like me, and then Aya gave me the best gift of the night, I quietly whimpered out of my mouth “Oh…I’m not a mistake.” You see, I don’t know just when I began believing that, or how I so successfully buried it. It was an invisible wound, a result of being thrown away so many times in my life. A wound that I now have in my conscious awareness, which allows me to act in a different way. My power, my inner sense of strength and purpose came back full swing. I haven’t felt this brave and alive since I was a teenager. My last humble request to her was “Please, teach me how to love like you.” What a miracle this experience has been. Aho!

We ate fresh fruit and nuts in the morning, pot luck style. Each carefully crawled to the middle to get little bites of food with the only energy they had left from what was for many, a very difficult night. Rewarding, but difficult. Such is life. We then shared a bit of our experience to the whole group, still in the Aya afterglow. So awesome to hear what each had to say. Pieces of the puzzle we all are. Such insight, such love. Then the thought hit me “Oh NO! I have to do this all again tomorrow! What the hell was I thinking?!”

Day 2

When I returned home I could not sleep, and had I known the intensity of the Ceremony beforehand, I probably would not have chosen to do two nights back to back. I would have placed a day in between. Though, I am glad that the naive adventurous part of me won this battle.

So there I was, back in the room after only 4 hours of sleep, if you can call it that; my dreams were intense. I was one of the earliest to arrive, it felt like I never left. I found a spot closer to a window, so that I could get some air during the more challenging parts of the ceremony. We followed much of the preparation we did the night before with meditations, introductions of helpers and so on, so I’ll jump ahead and share what happened during my journey as best I can. You see, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and after beautifully vomiting on my journal the night prior, I was reluctant to write as much down. I was, spent, as they say.

I purged much less than the night before, and as I began communicating with the plant teacher, I noticed that I didn’t have much inner limiting garbage left to work through. I’ve done so much preliminary work on myself with meditation and journaling, that this second night was kind of an emotional breeze in comparison. I had strange experiences of group consciousness that become hard to describe. At moments I would have a question or think a thought, and someone else in the group would shout out, or sing and answer in a repetitive manner. This was quite bizarre to me. I’m used to the normal way this unfolds in groups. Close friends often finish each others’ sentences, or sometimes we can think of a person and they call. These are common place experiences that we take for granted. However, what was happening in that room took all of that to a whole different level, that again I can’t completely describe. The best description I can come up with is, awake and active conscious oneness in the realm of thought and emotion. The idea of the separate self was taking a back seat. It felt like we were all inside of each other on multiple levels of our being. My neighbors healing, was also my own. My healing, was also my neighbors.

So with my personal traumatic baggage left behind in a bucket somewhere, I decided to ask her to work on an issue that I see damaging the planet. In an effort to be the change I wish to see, I asked the medicine to work on my greed. That is when the purging began, and after spewing my guts out into the bucket, I saw infinite teeth on tiny little faces strung together infinitely chewing, until I was just utterly disgusted by witnessing the feverish consumption of everything in the path of the teeth. They were just chewing for the sake of chewing, destroying so much. I began chewing my own necklace like a wild mad man mimicking the teeth I was seeing in my mind’s eyes. If felt like I went back in time in human evolution, where we had to be greedy to survive. A level of greed that is totally unnecessary in this age. The chewing of my own amethyst necklace’s string made me see that we bite off even things we can’t chew. We take more than we can actually consume. I saw the horror of greed. It is hard be greedy after going through that. So when I thought I needed more medicine, I was reluctant to go up, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t an act of greed, as the first dose had already been quite strong on this second night.

After that, my journey felt like I was walking through the park with a friend having a light chat with profound implications. At some point, I began gently asking the medicine to show me herself. I used the softest, most kindly, loving inner voice I have ever known myself to use. The kind of voice you use when you don’t want to scare away a tiny animal you want to take a picture of or something. A voice that approaches silence as your heart swells with yearning, curiosity, and capture. The kind of voice you use when you want to tell someone that you love them, but you think your love might scare them away. It was at that moment of sincere vibration, that through the complex visuals and dances of light that I was seeing, the medicine manifested in front of my mind’s eye as a gentle feminine like face pushing through the infinitely moving vines. There was depth, there was beauty, there was calm, and this startled me deeply. Seeing that the medicine was an actual being that could manifest into a somewhat recognizable from was shocking, because up until that point, the visuals, though they had their “forms” and patterns that my mind could not comprehend, my mind could undoubtedly comprehend a face, and the emotion upon it. It peaked out at me, then just as quickly became hidden again.

It is writing about it now that I realize that the reason she vanished so quickly, was because I was not there to see her, I was there to see myself. In an act of service, to prevent my distraction, she moved herself out of my way. Even more peculiar is the realization that she was teaching me how to ask her to show herself without the use of my words. The proper description of what I am trying to convey escapes my language. It was a lesson in how to help selflessly, and how to teach quietly. Sometimes we help because we want to be seen or heard, and we want others to ask for us, but we must all grow beyond such petty traps of the ego, and help even when no one is looking, or knows that we are there. Lessons upon lessons.

Then the medicine took me to a point beyond the fractals, and shapes, and forms, a point beyond the vines, it was a space that was only profound pure light, a point that felt like it was where all things converge, and become truly one. It was here that I felt the undeniable presence of my Grandmother who recently passed. And for the very first time since her passing, I knew that she was okay, and that she was in that light I was now seeing. I witnessed the ease after death, the return to the light we will all take. I miss her, and it hurts that she is gone, but I am so happy that she is in light. What a gift this plant teacher is. Do you understand?

One of the noisier travelers tried to sing with the Shaman and the organizer and it was terribly off-key, and I wanted to laugh so bad, but I kept stifling my joy. At this point the medicine said “It’s just as hard for you to laugh as it is for you to vomit” and I thought that was crazy! Realizing that I was killing my own joy made me laugh and laugh and laugh uncontrollably. You know, I could just see how little control we have over what happens around us. I saw that at times, it is okay to just laugh at it all, and not try so hard.

The medicine began to subside, and in the moment I felt like I wasn’t getting much out of the experience because some of my deeper moments were interrupted by that same off-key singing traveler, now screaming in the ceremony. I would have liked to inspect that bright light and the presence of my Grandmother some more. But there was too much noise, because there was just so many people. I would have a divine moment, and then get ripped out of it by a scream or a yell or something utterly unnecessary happening in the space by someone less grounded. I wasn’t mad, but you know, the noise did take away quite a bit of my experience on this second night.

So I did what any wise person would do! I went up for a second full purge inducing dose after the yelling stopped. My purging this time was just dry heaving and deep breaths, no liquid. It was like I reached the bottom of myself, like I “got it all out.” The visuals returned and I asked the medicine in my excited arrogance “Do you remember me?” to which the reply was “You are just a leaf.” Keep in mind that, I was seeing infinite leaves for the past two days, so to be told that I was just a leaf, was quite ego destroying. Then she said “but you are a leaf on me.” That, really warmed my heart. Why? Because of how it translates to humanity, you know, we are each a leaf of humanity, and we are each playing our part, and we will each fall off and die, but that doesn’t take away the fact that we are all a part of each other, moving as one whether we are aware of it or not. We are all small, we are all important. Then she took on the strangest shapes and began teaching me through light and magic once again. Magic is the best word I can use, because the visions also took on the effect of landscapes and scenery, or realms I have no other way of describing without using the words cosmically magical – I saw what the visionaries paint. So I said “that’s beautiful, but I can’t paint, please help me use the right words when sharing this experience with others.” Dear reader, did she answer my request effectively? Have you been moved by these words? Have they taken you to a part of yourself that has similar wounds? Magic. However, I was still perplexed by her lack of taking a shape, to which she responded “I don’t need a form, it is not me who must remember my beauty, it is you who must remember yours.” Isn’t remembering what it’s all about? I forgot some of the deeper lessons that only happened about an hour before during my first dose and purge. I was baffled, how could I forget on the same day, the same night, in the same ceremony? It is true what they say, the real ceremony begins after the ceremony. We can only remember what we allow ourselves to integrate…with time.

And this is where my sharing of the journey ends. I am still integrating so much, I could not fit it all into this entry, but you will see my art, and know, that something deep within me has been changed for good.

Aho!

Morning Meditation Message 18

Situations will arise to put fear and frustration in your heart. If you have cleared your intuitive channels you will be prepared long before they arrive. However, if you aren’t prepared, the situation will still sharpen you and make you much stronger. Be open to that. As you open to the truth of all that is, you will feel relief in remembering that all life is cradled, including your own. Surrender to the moment and experience knowing that all is well, and that you will safely be carried to your next destination. There are bigger forces operating behind the veil supporting you, nourishing you, keeping your life in tact. You can not see gravity, but it is there, acting on even the molecular structure of your being. You can not see certain wavelengths of light, but they are there. Allow yourself to feel safe and cradled during the transition, so that your vibration continues attracting the unfolding of your highest most harmonious purpose on Earth.

Like, Comment, or Share if it touches you there! Thank you ❤
Amen, Ashe, Aho, Namaste. 🙂

Traveling Light

But please, let me not die with longing in my heart
wishing to walk the leaf’s edge in a fresh cup of tea
from a foreign land steaming behind glass that sits
in the souvenir shop of my imagination’s dream

Let me leave with the memory of flavor
a sweet seasoned last breath of spices
sold at the market of my turbaned heart
wrapping experience as a sparkling jewel

I desire to depart with less woe
not a single too-late left to bare
the strength to finish everything
moistened finger tip and crumbs

Empty backpack postcards sent
train, plane, horse, and camel
dunes, secret rituals, and brews
the shoulder of another language

souvenir shop of my imagination’s dream
wrapping experience as a sparkling jewel
moistened finger tips and crumbs
even the shoulder of another language
‘twixt I leave this journey of my soul

by Kevon Simpson © 2015

Write Your Soul Free coming in February!

Again

Sometimes I feel like tiny man with only almost dreams,
like tea kettle on low, with only half the steam.
Where is the air, to make sharp calling sound of whistle?
Dreams once made of marble, now come cracked and brittle.
What say I to all the friends who believed so dear,
that my feet would walk the water top without a single fear?
While drowning, how can I tell them I’ve fallen far beneath,
the treasure I was hunting for and never got to meet?
How do I find the courage to face them once again,
as cemetery bones cry earth to mock, break, and bend,
everything I thought I knew about my tired self;
see them collecting dust now, those dreams upon the shelf?
Quivering hand and bedside lamp, reaching careful touch,
perhaps I’ll pull them closer now, I’ve missed them oh so much.

by Kevon Simpson © 2014

Golden

I know where to go,
how to compound words so tightly,
they squeeze moisture out of the air,
but only in the shape of golden tears.
Treasure, at the end of rainbows.

Set it on a mark to go!
Your flow can set a hand free.
Heart can be your new start,
free fly and find tomorrow’s glee.

I have a chest made of map;
know thyself is written across the top,
where myself remains smitten sapped,
I go sweetly within my souls glowing pot.

It sings like. . .

mysterious melodious magic music,
that moves it past the point of pain;
like cranes that fly to lift
heavy things that no longer sing
to deeply planted grain.

Grow to the heights of tallest tree!

Set your heart free!
Like mysterious melodious magic music.
Eye on the goal, walking rubble road,
sure to touch it, even after fork-split.

Our souls are made of bliss!

I know where to go,
how to compound words so tightly,
they squeeze moisture out of the air,
but only in the shape of golden tears,
that later become rainbow treasure,
that frees us from our fears.

by Kevon Simpson © 2014