What is in you is wild and repressed. You hide by lowering your volume, and by trying to silence what is externally loud, as your heart screams its disastrous vibrations above it all. There is nothing to conquer, when someone allows you to help, it is not an invitation to take everything over. In positions of leadership, your suppressed wild side shows. Temporarily in the shadow, it waits for its moment to deconstruct and destroy the beautiful gift being presented to you. When trapped in ego, you allow the rising of the hidden shadow to win, you allow yourself to blame the poison in you on someone else. You bring the chaos, by nature of the chaos within you, that you ignore. Look in the mirror, and be honest with how you prepared for the ceremony. Take into account the energetic residue of the days before and the actions you took. Lots of TV, sex, drugs, unhealthy foods, and partying is not how to prepare for a ceremony, especially if you are in a position of leadership. There is not enough sage in the world that will take away the fact that you have to work on cleansing your own energy as a daily part of your life, while being mindful of who you allow to walk through it. You’re not a garbage can.
Don’t pretend to know or understand what anyone is doing, saying, or feeling, until you have made resting in silence a priority in your life. You can’t truly hear anyone through the noisy filter of a clouded mind filled with expectations. You can’t feel the sincerity, nor trust the process of what is being presented, from a fearful heart. You can’t control the gift, nor the gift giver. When you attempt that, you rob yourself of the surprise that brings joy, because you think only your way is the way. It is impossible for you to control everything. You don’t walk into the emergency room and start doing your own stitches. Allow yourself to be helped. Humility is key, you were alone before the thing to be “taken over” presented itself, it is that desire of taking things over and controlling what is not yours, that keeps you in addictive lonely spirals. You want to numb the feeling of failure from trying to control that which you can not. The work is bigger than us all, sit down and learn. If you think you can do it better, please, start. More people are needed. Learn the medicine songs, write your own, learn the meditations, read the books, write the poetry prayers, create the following, create the questionnaire, read them, learn the instruments, be an activist outside of ceremony, respond to each need with sincerity, remember repeatedly that it is not about you, show up strong despite how exhausting the preparation can be, survive being ignored and under appreciated, be willing to die for it, be willing to be locked up for it, take the risk. If none of that sounds like it is to your liking, please be quiet, sit down, and take that moment to pull the blanket over your head and cry, be open to being helped, let the pain out. My body is not my age, neither is yours.
See beyond the limitation.
I See – is a prayer.
Freedom to be wild.
Love and Kindness are enough.