A Sense of Humor Doesn’t Age

It’s a thing you only gently notice in your twenties, but by the time your thirties come around and you see your first few gray hairs, in places you would rather them not be, you are sure of it, “Yup, I’m aging.” Though this fact has been true the moment your cells began dividing in your mother’s womb, something about seeing the wrinkles slowly appear, and your patience for certain things slowly disappear, solidifies this one fact: this body will not live forever. It can be a challenge to love something that you feel is betraying you through the inevitable passing of time, that we often see as an enemy, instead of a most cherished friend. Though, a gift these beautiful loaned bodies shall remain. From within them we declare so loudly what we don’t have time for, in hope for some reflection’s echo of agreement that makes us feel a little less alone in our defiance, the fear of embracing our death, on the horizon of a child’s eyes. In the last moments, the truth is, we have time even for the most annoying thing.

But who wants to grow hair out the ears!? I mean seriously. And where does the long nose hair really end. Why must speech slow down like knees? And why do I need glasses now? For the longest while I just thought, you know, “something was in my eye.” You want to know what was in my eye, a prescription, but I couldn’t read it. Life is one big catch 22, and rightfully so, it is how it makes you reach for and remember community, the people you age with and need. This knowing that 100 years from now, none of us will be here, makes you search for others that “get it” the older you get. What to do with this feeling of having a longer story than the younger ones want to listen to? Cherished eternal elder of elders, can you teach me?

In April of this year, our EIC community lost a very special soul that “got it,” and though suffering through each stage of cancer as we painfully watched, she made time to share long stories, and she made time to laugh full and deep. Sometimes all we would have to do is look at each other, and the comedy of whatever the situation was, was instantly communicated. And isn’t that what community is, that someone once a stranger, can become long lost family you can share wordless laughter and love with. That though temporary, life gives us these gems of memory to hold on to, these reasons to enjoy each breath we take. Reasons to reconnect with those we’ve stayed away from for far too long. It is as if we like to pretend that we are in these incarnations forever, and that delicious delusion, eases the gentle prick of each seconds permanent passing. We know we are leaving. We must make the time to see each other.

Blessed are those who notice the moments when time slows down for a window of miracle to be made manifest. Being allowed to say goodbye at the right moment, is a miracle. As she lay on her death bed, we sang a healing icaro together in the hospital one last time, we laughed together, the final laugh, the laugh that hides tears, but is still so sweet. I kissed her gently on her head, and whispered I love you in her ear. As I looked back one last time before heading to the airport to catch my flight back to Peru, I knew it was my last time seeing my friend alive. From that moment I have learned a few things, humor can never have a terminal illness, and like the beautiful soul light of my dear friend, mother to our medicine circles, a sense of humor doesn’t die.

This post was written in loving memory of Karina Rivera. Thank you for becoming a guardian, a guiding spirit, an ancestor. Thank you for being a most wonderful friend. The soothing sound of your joyous laughter, fills my heart today.

With Love,
Kevon

Thank You HIV

Can you say it with me? “Thank you H.I.V” It’s a tough one I know. For now I can only say it with the emotions in my heart, on the tip of overflow. For now, saying that doesn’t make complete sense. It’s so much easier to just be angry – to fall into the vibration of the victim. People have asked me, or implied, “Have you come to terms with the dangerous things you did to catch it?” Without knowing anything about my life. What did I do? Enjoy a body I was meant to enjoy, while looking for love in all the wrong places? Has no one else ever done that? Do you really think it is your perfect behavior that protects you? We will all, age, get sick, and die. That is life. This is just my version of life, in this body, and part of the reason why I have this virus, is because I can get others to understand the weight of it with the use of my words. For there are many with it, who can not communicate it THIS way.
 
See my strength as I walk with this, and pull from it the strength you need to make it through your tough spots as well. I promise, I don’t mean to giggle at some of the problems people come to me with. All hearts hurt the same. It is about rising above the blame. It is about deciding to shift out of the vibration that kills your will to survive. During my dietas at Spiritual Dimensions in Padrecocha, Iquitos, Peru, the most difficult part of my process was seeing the soul contract I have with this virus. In some sessions I was able to see the cellular structure of it with Ayahuasca, how it operates in the physical body and shifts the emotions. In another session, in a plane of love, light, and messages from beyond duality, beyond ideas of good or bad, I saw the dance of the virus and my soul before taking this body. I am still trying to make sense of it. Hard as it is to accept at times, this is in divine order.
 
And so I say Thank You H.I.V for helping give me an experience of a lifetime, for without you being in my blood the dream of a lifetime would not have existed, because my other struggles were not enough to make my people want to help on that level. Not the homelessness, not the skin, not the sexuality, not the posts almost everyday despite it all, not almost getting killed in my own home two years ago, and certainly not the suicidal thoughts in the weight of it all. Do you really think that I am always smiling?
 
So thank you H.I.V for snapping the compassion out of the heart of my community so deeply. So that I can stand in all that I am, and for the first time in life, not feel the energy of jealousy or envy being sent my way in waves. These abilities, these gifts, this light, is the only way I can carry these burdens – yes plural – and make you really believe I am walking on privileged lucky air. No one looks at me like “Why does he have so much?” anymore.
 
Indeed it is a relief.
 
#ayahuasca
#integration
#kevoninspires
#hiv

Morning Meditation Message 16

We’ve forgotten how to be on top of one another, which was once an integral part of our survival as a species. We migrated with little room for sleep, everything we owned on our backs, and now we can’t even sit on the crowded train together. We have lost our way, traveled miles away from the truth. What is the truth? The fact that we need each other. The fact that you choose lonely and really want love is masochistic. Stop killing yourself. Love calls all the missing pieces, reminding each that it is important. The language is love, light, and sound. It is what you feel, what you see, and what you hear. A little noise is not going to hurt you, and a little touch is not going to hurt you. When was the last time you abruptly bumped into yourself and wanted to be with you – that sweet frightening beauty that you are? It is time to remember that you are one with it all. Stop being annoyed by the small things in the mess you have created of your own life. It is okay, we have all made a mess of our lives, and the planet. Together we remember, together we take action. Step one is to remember by waking up, step two is to clean, step three is to ask for help. Change the order if you must. The formula is non-linear. This is all happening too fast to cry. Too fast to cry. Too fast to cry.

Protect Your Energy

The colder months are upon us, and so are the holidays which are hard for many people; many will also experience seasonal depression due to the lack of sunlight. It is because of the aforementioned that I write this post as a gentle reminder to protect your life force energy.

What do I mean when I say life force energy? That which makes you creative, that which makes you “glow”. If you have ever been in the athletic “zone,” where time seemed to slow down, and you made all the right moves, or maybe on stage as a performer where you reached a new level of performance by feeling the awe of the audience, or have simply had a moment where you felt more “alive,” you know exactly what I mean when I say life force energy. Though the descriptions are only a minuscule portion of its importance and complexity, if you have never heard the term before, the examples will help you understand what I am communicating in this post.

You are much more likely to attract negative energy the brighter you make your being. Why? People feed on physical energy and non physical energy. When this happens you can feel the positive and negative affects on your body, mind, and soul; you can feel the giving, taking, or cyclical harmonious exchange. The more sensitive and open you are, the more ill the affects can be on your health if you are not protecting yourself.

We all take and we all give,  and in this giving and taking the balance of the universe is created. As creators within the created, it behooves us to be wise in our act of discerning that which is useful, and that which is harmful in regards to our personal evolution. Scientific experiments are still being done to measure the subtleties of our experience of reality, because the findings challenge what we have been taught all our lives, new information is shut down by older scientist who feel secure in dogmatic views that no longer tell the complete story of our experience of reality. Why? Because dogma currently pays well. I want to let you know, that you have a very important role in changing that.

Remember what you know; do not deny your experience of being drained when you allow yourself to be around, or incessantly think about certain people, places, things, time periods, etc. What is happening to you is real, and it is in your best interest to protect yourself and learn from the negative subtleties of life.

There is more to creation than the physical eye can see. Protect your energy daily.

With compassion,
Kevon